No one else could fit 32 mints in their gob (or at least no one actually tried). Another such record was when I was a kid in prep, somehow a kid called Maurice Wiley was told I was the best fighter at my school. He came looking for me (luckily he never found me). Years later Maurice and I played football together for St Thomas Moore's and, believe me, I was always very glad that he never found me! He played CHB, I was lucky to play wing. He was as tough as an old leather saddle, me, I spent a lot of time warming the seat as 19th man.
So it was with The Chad man, the idea was, you see, that Chad Man was the missing link, the single most important piece of evolutionary bone fragments ever found. Sadly, for Chad, the title of 'missing link' and the high status that came with it was a fleeting moment in time. The record, as it exists in anthropological circles (just wanted to see if I could spell that word) is that Chad Man went from star to reject in record time.
It went something like this - in a remarkably short time, Chad Man passed through all four phases of the usual ape-man life-cycle.
Those four phases are:
1. Fragments Found - Chad opens his mouth before the ball is bounced
2. Imaginative Interpretation - Chad thinks Port are a chance and Fev their 'fossilised bunny'
3. Popular Publication – newspapers report his boast.
4. Data Dismissed - Fev kicks 6 and the Bluebaggers smash Port.
Port, hoping to stay in the eight and play finals, went searching for the missing link and their man Chad thought the best way to find that spark that might turn Port from goneabes to gunnabes was through the mouth.
Now Chad, even the apes know that talk is cheap, that it's all about actions not vowels. It's about consistency of effort not velocity of consonants. Anyone can beat their chest and strut across the ink of the daily newspapers but on that wicked oval, that funnel that challenges all players to make the charge, truth will out!
When can their jumper fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the league wondered.
Honor the game they played,
Honor the Bluebagger Brigade,
Noble twenty-two players. (apologies to Lord Alfred Tennyson.)
And so we came, we played and we conquered (no Latin this week, translate that yourselves) and poor old Chad, that Man Chad, well the closest he came to glory was in the bear hug Fev gave him. I wonder what our man Fev might have said to that man Chad – something along the lines of 'how's them apples Chad man?'
Yes that man Chad strutted and bespoke and twittered like the early bird on the bough, but our boys brought the bacon home (how's that for a contorted mixed-metaphor!) which just goes to show if the chain is broke 'aint no missing link going to fix it for long.
So we played another excellent game with the lads running across the bones of Port Power, fracturing their finals dreams, shattering their fragile hopes of glory and redemption. We played football like men, they watched, mouths agape, little more than apes to our Tarzan.
Perhaps next time Chad might zip the lip and just come out and play football, you know, let the game do all the talking, do that Chad and maybe the chimp won't seem such a chump.
This week it's Melbourne and the Dees, its must be whispered, really do not want to win this game, not that there is any such thing as Tanking but, really, why would they want to win?
And so, in a weird way, this is a dangerous game for us. We are building momentum and must treat this game as normal, must stick to our plans, our goals, our structures, and not get carried away by the farce these sort of games can become. The week after it's the Crowing Adelaide bunch so it is important we keep to the straight and narrow this week, it's important we play to our level and not worry too much about what Melbourne is doing.
Against Port we defended when we had to, played ugly against the wind when the elements demanded us to and then, with the wind behind, we spread the sails and flew home. This was a Navy Blue win like the wins of old. This side is gaining confidence, belief, it's playing to instructions. Murph is moving towards elite, as is Gibbs.
This week add Hammer and maybe even Warnock (if Hammer can't come up) and the side will become even stronger. This week we must focus on the clearance work, get it right for the following week.
To the boys, well done so far. The jobs not done yet but the first step is done. We are playing finals.
Another step in the evolution of this side is complete. From cellar dweller to finals competitor, from chimpanzee to champion. Well done lads and Ratts and Co.
Next step the 17th!
This week Fev for 10
JR to provide more run than a cheetah from the backline
and Kreuze for B.O.G.
Go Blues!
Please Note: the views expressed in the above article are solely the opinion of the author and do not reflect the opinions of the Carlton Football Club or those employees of the Club. The Carlton Football Club would like to acknowledge the tireless work of those supporters who contribute to carltonfc.com.au.
