So if the truth be told I was actually happy (or perhaps I should say I was not unhappy) with last week’s effort. Once T-Bird and Harts went down I never thought we’d win it. In fact I was amazed that we stayed in the game for as long as we did considering Fev was held (and we missed the link that Harts was providing) Judd was held and the kids in the back half had to stand up without the Bird and we missed shots a blind baby could kick.

The brother was furious with the ‘Baggers. I’d been furious last week when I thought we should have demolished the Dees but played possibly the most boring half of football I have ever witnessed (and won). That’s the Ying and Yang of life though. The wife is furious with the kid, you’re calm. You lose your cool and she is all smiles and charm. Same with brothers. My brother was losing it with the ‘Baggers in that second half against the Crows, I’d lost it last week and was slowly getting it back (and everyone lost it after that decision against Waite in the last).

So whereas the first half we were all Yang, with goals and run and hanging on to that lead, in the second half we gave barely a Ying, missing easy shots, kicking into the man in the mark and struggling to cover the loss of the two talls.

Still, like I said, there were plenty of things to make me smile as I left the ground. I was pleased with the debut of Browne, his goal a ripper and how about the fly he went for when he first ran onto the ground. If he’d taken that one he’d have won best first touch of the millennium! I was pleased with JR’s attack on the man and the ball. His presenting and his run (we’ll say no more about the kick).

In the end we fatigued, and with fatigue comes mistakes. Graig’s Crows may be just about the most boring (apart from McLeod of course) AFL team, his plan safe as a Volvo – in fact that’s what The Crows are, they are the Volvo drivers of the AFL - safe, boring and always in the way!

So we made mistakes and they capitalised on each one with a goal. Add in some more of the Geish philosophy of umpiring; make the result influenced by the silliest decisions you can find – look I have to say something here because his instructions to the umpires is tangling my Ying and Yang into a ball of yarn! Can someone please explain to him he is flatly and philosophically wrong. You cannot make umpiring decisions black and white. You cannot. There will always be a grey area, unless we video every act and take it to the third umpire – and even then we’ll still get grey areas!

What he needs to do, instead of making everything black and white – after all when is a hand in the back a hand in the back? Or front on contact a legitimate spoil? Does he even understand how angry the outer is with his influence on the game – does he care?

Back to my point. Instead of the black and white philosophy – the Confucius school of umpiring which is more social constraint than a way of life, he needs to adopt the Taoist ideal and instruct the umpires to have the smallest amount of impact – to me that means going back to the old school of ‘earning a goal’ because it is better to err on the side of the non goal than the goal – we’ll still yell and scream (that’s what we do) but we’ll actually find it easier to live with. Please Geish, forgo this silly ‘its this or that’, go with the flow, go with a ‘feel’ for the game, the Ying and Yang we can all sense in the outer and even on the television  (though not as much, never that).

Enough of that, but if a rebellion is planned by the masses, please, count me in! Something must be done. Okay enough of the bell ringing, my hunch is hurting – so this week’s preview,

Hah! The eagles have landed and are waddling into the dark, secretive depths of the early draft picks. So lets help send them there. It’s been a while since we won over there (do we even play them here anymore – not since Tex’s debut, not since then I think!)  So lets take this chance, grab it in both hands and repay them for Juddy with a good old-fashioned shellacking, its what they want after all. They are not so much tanking as Hiroshima-ing. Lets go for a percentage booster, and be so far in front we’ll give JR sixteen chances to kick a goal, 'cos once he does, the kid will be right and we can all rest easy again.

Fev for seven
Judd for a few also,
JK to play well for them (as a lone hand)
And BOG to JR (who nails one of 50 metres out)!

Go Blues.

Please Note: the views expressed in the above article are solely the opinion of the author and do not reflect the opinions of the Carlton Football Club or those employees of the Club. The Carlton Football Club would like to acknowledge the tireless work of those supporters who contribute to carltonfc.com.au.