Ok, I’ll admit it. I’m in a mixed marriage. My wife barracks for Collingwood.
I’ll understand if you stop reading here and never touch this blog again.
For 364 days of the year, it isn’t an issue. Last Friday night, it was. I found myself in a room with three Collingwood supporters. There was nowhere to turn in the second quarter while they piled on 5 straight goals without seeing the unmistakable glow of smugness.
The next morning, the text message came through from my father-in-law:
“Blues right there and competitive right to last 5 minutes also got some rough decisions at the wrong moments too. But who gives a s**t? GO PIES!”
Yep, they’re a classy bunch.
But despite all that, it’s not Collingwood that I hate losing to most. Maybe because the Carlton/Collingwood rivalry came of age during the 1970 and ‘79 Grand Finals as much as anything. I wasn’t born for the first one, and too young to remember the second. Don’t get me wrong. I hate Collingwood. But other than Gavin Brown making me do 20 pushups for a wayward kick at a footy clinic once, they’re not the team that pushes my buttons the hardest.
No, it’s not Collingwood. It’s Essendon.
I hate losing to Essendon. And it just so happens that it happens a bit. And it also happens that I have some very vocal Essendon mates.
When they wind me up, I’m back at the 93 Grand Final. I sat alone that day, my dad was in the AFL members, I managed to line up and get one. It was an ugly day. I remember Michael Long’s run. I remember the blare of the siren and the chorus of ‘happy’ supporters behind me singing at the top of their lungs. That song…so piercing. So shrill. It still burns in my ears. And, being a fashionable 15 year old, I wore my hair long, in the manner of my hero, Stephen Silvagni. So I remember the taunts of ‘Go home, Silvagni’ as I shuffled out of there to find my dad at light pole 3.
The ‘99 Preliminary Final dulled the pain a little. I watched that game at one of those vocal Essendon mates’ places. He curled up into a ball when we steamrolled them by a point. He stayed there for what seemed like forever. But his pain didn’t cure my hurt.
And as unlikely as it is, if they get up on Saturday, I’ll be that kid again, shuffling out and trying to block out that song. I hate losing to Essendon.
Which club do you hate losing to most?
Ben Birchall is a writer, musician and co-hosts The Breakfasters on 3RRR in Melbourne.
