FIRST, there was the guide to the Melbourne Cup. Now there’s the guide to the Boxing Day test.

This Australian XI shouldn’t be confused for Carlton’s players who are actually skilled with bat and/or ball: you can find that list here.

This Navy Blue guide is everything you need for the Boxing Day test.

Joe ‘Ciaran’ Byrne
From Gaelic to Australian rules football to opening the batting. ‘Casey’ really can do it all.

Matthew Wayde Twomey
The man who played in front of an average home attendance of over 80,000 at the MCG will be no stranger to the pressure of Boxing Day.

Marcus ‘Davies’ Labuschagne
We’ll be honest, we couldn’t do much with the name of Marnus Labuschagne.

Steve Da Rui-Smith
One is the best since Bradman. The other is Steve Smith.

Matthew ‘Travis Head’ Watson
One for the Triple M listeners. Given James Brayshaw is on commentary, the tune of “HEAD!” when he punches one through the on-side is a must.

Tim ‘Natalie’ Plane
Have you seen Nat Plane’s fielding work for the Melbourne Renegades in the Women’s Big Bash League? Give her the gloves.

Starc Murphy
A gun junior cricketer (see above), Murphy wasn’t afraid to make a stand with either bat or ball.  Of course, he represented Victoria at under-17 level alongside the likes of Aaron Finch and Brett Deledio.

Patrick ‘Binga’ Cripps
Step aside, Pat Cummins: there’s a new Patty C in town. And there’ll be no surprises as to who he’s modelling his game on: wait for the chainsaw after his first wicket.

Peter Siddle
We know that Josh Hazlewood has been selected, but we would’ve gone with his fellow Victorian instead: the man who is no stranger to the Carlton Football Club. Siddle used Ikon Park as his home base as he recovered from stress fractures. A month later, he got a hat-trick. On his birthday. We’re claiming it.

The 12th man: Andy Maher
The spiritual leader, and the best runner you’ve ever seen.