So after somehow playing again in the worst timeslot available to man, we’ve now entered the bye week. Which for a reason known only to the AFL is at Round 8, which is a bit like taking a week off work when you reach morning smoko.

But here are some things you can do to keep yourself occupied during the week off:

• Come up with a cool nickname for our new excitement machine Troy Menzel. At the moment I’m liking Mercedes Menz, Seek and DeTROY, or, using his initials, the Trademark ™.
• Teach the players how to bump. Of course, only after the AFL has taught you how to bump, which can, as we all know, change at any given moment. But the head is sacrosanct. Mostly. 
• Tom Bell has an infection following his finger surgery, so maybe give him an extra hand by helping him brush his teeth, cook his meals and generally keeping him looking like Kouta.
• Dylan Buckley just signed on for two more years. That deserves a massage. Someone get to it.
• Andrew Carrazzo has missed a few games now with back spasms, which you can only put down to chasing around young triplets. So any childcare workers out there [legitimate or not] if you could ease the load on this essential part of our team by looking after the kids to help him get back out there, it’d be much appreciated [ear plugs not supplied].
• Grab a ladder and allow Robbie Warnock to have an eye-to-eye conversation with someone for the first time in his life.
• Hang around Mick Malthouse and allow him to give you a spray every now and again, just so his intensity doesn’t drop off during the bye. Things that tick him off might include putting a bowl with cereal still in it in the sink, using his moustache clippers and wearing an Eddie McGuire mask.
• Gather up a few of the Western Australian players, like Armfield, Yaz, and Jeffy, and charge them $50 for a coffee and sandwich, just so they feel like they’re back in Perth.
• Show our new President, Mark LoGiudice, around Visy Park, pointing out which is the best office to steal a nap in, where Chris Judd sorts out all the recycling and the purpose built Irish pub used to stop Zach Tuohy feeling homesick.
• Guess how many metres it is around Matthew Watson’s head. Closest [to the nearest centimeter] wins one of his giant hats, made from the 54 square feet of material.

So that’s it. At least we had a win heading into the bye, so we can enjoy our time off and look forward to our next game, which going by the fixturing so far this year will be at 3:30 on a Tuesday afternoon in Werribee. Go Blues!